I know. 

I can’t pretend to make you listen anymore, but maybe you, the real you, can still hear me.

It was a nice day. I saw the sunlight through the window, I could even hear the birds. This room is pleasant enough, maybe moreso than the house. It’s clean and quiet. Very private. They let me have that much - although I don’t know where this place is located. A couple of uniforms took me to a holding station out of town, to avoid the press, they said. Hah. Sure enough, there’s nobody here. No prisoners. No warden. As far as I know, no real police...

To you, who might be in Heaven. Or Hell, if it comes to it.

I never believed in the afterlife business before. There wasn’t time, just planning for the next day on earth was exhausting enough. But in this room, somewhere unknown, tomorrow might not come anymore. So I thought it would be nice to know...

To you, wherever you are. You’ve probably picked up why I’m so eager to talk. I might be joining you soon. No, I will be. I knew from the start. After L.E.A.C. was bought out, I was doomed, as much as you were. Maybe I should have spoken up, to Chimera. Or said my piece twenty-one years ago. I should have risked Mom and Dad shutting me up like they did you. I should have gone to the police, I should have told everything to those detectives. Told one with the nice smile and laugh, everything I wanted to say. It wouldn’t have changed much, but...

Mom and Dad were released yesterday. I saw them go, before I wound up here. I didn’t want to talk to them. That’s why they were released.

It’s very quiet.

To you, wherever the place might be. Here’s something bothering me. I’m so used to you recording my thoughts, saying them back to me, that I haven’t considered writing in a long time. My handwriting was always awful. But I wish I had some pen and paper now. Words in my head barely count for reality. Once I’m gone from this place, it will be like I was never here. I’d like to at least write them down.

Of course, if I left any interesting final words, they’d be wiped out just the same.

I hear steps in the hallway, from a part of the building that I can’t see. Somebody is trying to be sneaky. The same Somebody will be coming for me, eventually, I’ll bet. The cameras are probably all turned off, that’s the way Chimera does things. By the end of today, I’ll be gone. There isn’t going to be a trial. I know I can’t fight back. Just like you. 

I know. I know. I always knew this would happen. Why am I afraid?

A door just opened at the end of the hall. They’ll be coming soon, I won’t turn around to look. I don’t stand a chance. Just focus on the walls, I tell myself. People might think it’s crazy, but it’s what we grew up with. I mean, what I grew up with. Grass, garden, night, walls and silence - that was home. But walls don’t have much meaning anymore.

To you, if you’re there. I’m sorry for what I did with your face, and your name. I really hope you’re out there somewhere and I hope there’s space there for me too. What might this place be like? It's not like I'm in a rush to see it, but…

They’re walking down the hall now.

It’s almost time. The time I knew would come. But why didn’t I say more? Why didn’t I… because I couldn’t. No, it would have been pointless. Since before we were born, we were set on this track. You to die in the yard hidden by walls, me to die in this cell in the middle of nowhere. Nothing could have changed and nothing will get better. But at least it’s coming to an end...

Die. Die. But I don’t want...

I should have spoken more to those investigators. Even if it was just for the pretty one, his reactions. He looked quite stunned when we walked out into the snow, into the cameras that day. Wasn’t that nice?

Okay, Cadoc. How about this? I’m not bones yet. I still have eyes and ears. When you’re stuck on a ride, you can still try to enjoy the view. The dullards among us might call it thrilling. I may as well face the truth. Walls aren’t going to keep me safe now. I want to know when it hits me. 

There’s a key in the door now.

Steady. Deep breath, turn around. Remember how the investigator’s face lit up when you walked out. Remember to smile. Time to shine - let someone else do the -