I wonder why they didn’t just eat her.

Hansel and Gretel’s mom didn’t want them because the family was poor and kids were expensive to feed. The whole family was starving and the dad didn’t want to fight her. So they planned to abandon the kids in the forest, but the kids heard about the plan.

Mom and dad took the kids out on a family outing and when they were far away and off the road, told them to take a nap. They left Hansel and Gretel with a little bread and a fire and a branch hanging by a string to make noise so the kids would think they were still there cutting wood. Like a tape recorder but they were probably too poor for one of those.

But the kids knew the whole plan and Hansel had left a trail of rocks that took them back to the house with their parents. It wasn’t really their home anymore but they couldn’t just live in the woods.

Their parents were woodcutters, so they were good with axes and probably had a lot of muscle. If they were all so hungry, why didn’t they just kill and eat the mom?

Their mom was mad to see they came back, but she pretended to only be mad that they had stayed out so long. She planned to try the same thing again and this time locked the door so Hansel couldn’t collect rocks at night.

Since the mom chopped wood, she was probably stronger than the kids. It would be hard to kill her if she decided to fight. But as you will see there are other ways.

Anyway, the next day, the mom tried the plan again and Hansel did his plan again but he had to use the bread that his mom gave them to leave a trail. It was a waste. When Hansel and Gretel woke up from their nap (kids who can walk by themselves should never take naps when an adult asks them) the bread was eaten by birds and other animals.

They walked and walked in the wrong direction, until they found a house made of sugar and candy and cake. They were so hungry they didn’t find it suspicious and weird. They started to eat the house and of course eventually the owner came out. It was a blind old lady who was also a cannibal. She must have been rich, to have a house like that. She must have been magic too, to keep bugs and birds from eating her house. Animals are better at detecting magic than people, especially kids.

If she could eat people, why couldn’t Hansel and Gretel? It would have solved so many problems.

The old lady got them to the house by saying she had more food, which she did, and then she let them sleep there. Because guys are usually bigger than girls, the witch wanted to eat Hansel first. So she started to feed him and not Gretel so he would become chunky and more meaty for the old lady to eat.

And Gretel decided to stay. This was not stupid of her because she had to pay Hansel back for trying to take them home those other times. It was lucky that he was smart too, because usually one brother or sister or friend is the idiot who lets the other one down. Whenever the blind old cannibal tried to feel if he got any fatter, he put out a stick or a bone and she would think he wasn’t ready to eat yet. But eventually she lost patience and got hungry too.

She asked Gretel to set up the oven and Gretel, who was not stupid, said it wasn’t working. She kept saying it until the old lady came to have a sniff or a feel (because she was blind, remember) and Gretel shoved her in the fire and closed the oven door, like she should have done with their mom and maybe their dad, before any of this happened. But they didn’t eat the old lady. They didn’t have to because the house had other food.

They found the witch’s treasure in the basement, which was real money and jewels, and went back to their old house. They didn’t need bread or rocks anymore. Things always seem to work out better for people who are rich.

Their dad was alive and so happy to see them and all the treasure. The mom was dead. The book didn’t say how, but guys are usually bigger than girls and their dad didn’t starve to death before they came back. Sometimes things work out alright.