November 200x, Augustine and Roha are out on a date.

The timestamp reads Tuesday, so Roha should be at the Foundation building for her classes. But instead, she is sipping whisky with Augustine after a lunch of crab and stuffed mushroom.

Want to catch a movie or head back for another nap?

He is only half-joking. While the recordings are plentiful, there are gaps of a day or two which seem unusual until we recall Roha’s favorite pastime. Records show Roha was missing for over fifty days, and likely spent at least ten full days in Augustine’s bed (peacefully asleep, fully clothed with the whole bed to herself, to the anguish of AK Undercovers’ following).

Can we go back? I think I’ll take a short rest.

Augustine turns to camera his way to catch a roll of the eyes. But he smiles. Call me psychic, babe.

This video, like several others filmed during that autumn, is clearly not intended for the AK Undercovers channel. Augustine simply seems unable to truly experience life without a camera in the vicinity. Occasionally he can even be heard chiding himself for this. As he says after sneaking Roha into the VIP lounge of Alga, only to find her curled up by the kitchen entrance: Why am I even recording right now?

He has no inkling how important these moments would be. When revealed in court proceedings, these tame little clips do much to prove the innocence of both parties.

—

He makes several attempts at traditional courtship. There are expensive restaurants; steaks, seafood and wine (in relative moderation). When she tells him about the favored mushroom crop of her hometown, he makes efforts to find the most gourmet offerings. He buys her a diamond necklace that she doesn’t wear, and a brand-new cell phone that seems to only mystify her, though she is amused by the glow of its screen.

Roha does not give gifts or plan elaborate dinners, but reciprocates in her own ways.

Not all of Augustine’s moves are gentlemanly. He buys her a pile of lace and ribbons, said to be lingerie, but does concede that it’s not practical to wear due to apparent itchiness. He presents her with pornography of varying intensity. He makes another attempt at a gift with an outfit made of leather straps, and she attempts to strap the studded choker on him, imitating a bondage video they had viewed the day before. Augustine ends the video laughing, the leather garment left discarded on the floor. Roha smiles serenely.

In one video, he takes her behind the beaded curtain of a local video store. He makes a study of the offerings and picks up a film that purportedly features schoolgirls in compromising situations. That’s my sister’s old high school friend. This is how regular girls end up, huh?

You like them like that.

Oh, come on. You know me better by now.

Roha takes interest in another section barred from children. She struggles to read the blurb of gore-horror film The Stuff and gives a long, searching look at the melting mass of flesh that decorates the cover. I had an old friend like this.

What, like The Stuff? What happened to him? Or was it a ‘her’?

This is how Life Fountains end up.

You’re kidding. So any minute now, you could turn into this pink ooze?

No, I’ll be different. But we had a lot of fun… She puts the case back on the shelf and begins filing through the slasher films, with her unwavering, angelic expression. Augustine turns the camera up at The Stuff and lets out a sigh - of admiration, or exhaustion - but continues to follow her along the row of terrors.

—

Their meals, too, are not always upscale.

One evening, they are seen chewing through fries at a food court, the camera resting on the table. The light thud of a drumbeat can be heard in the backdrop. Roha begins bobbing her head. Augustine smiles.

You know this song?

No.

Catchy though, right?

It has a good feeling.

The singer wrote it for his brother who died in an accident. Pretty morbid. But the way the beat goes… it’s not happy, but it’s not sulky or anything. It’s almost too simple. It just keeps moving along. We all gotta keep moving along. Sometimes we gotta leave people behind and just sing about it because what else can we do? My cousin hates this song, by the way.

He’s baiting Roha to ask ‘why’? But she has no interest in Emile Kir.

It doesn’t matter what he thinks.

Augustine’s eyes go wide and he chokes with laughter.

You said it! Nobody wants to hear his shit takes anyway. Did you know, he started his channel the same time I did? All he does is natter about how every band uses the same boring chords and never takes risks. Like he can talk - he’s done nothing but sit on his ass and repeat the same thing for around like five years straight.

Roha nods, but to the tune of the song. Augustine lets out a groan that turns the heads of other diners.

Screw that guy! Here, a toast to good taste.

Roha raises her cup of cola to tap against his. He takes a swig, but she just puts her drink back down.

Got to keep moving, she murmurs.

—

Augustine Kir is more or less correct in his assessment of Emile Kir’s channel at the time. However, AK Undercovers was coming under some fire itself. The audience was less than impressed that Kir had skimped out on their review, and had for the past month only updated with sporadic text posts.

Many comments are sympathetic and hopeful, though not as many as before.

Some accuse him of going soft, or selfish.

Others vilify Roha. She is blamed for turning Kir into a milksop, being too resistant, of being a plant from a vengeful variant coalition to bring down the channel. The hateful comments are the most emphatic. been waiting long im bout to drive over and dick down the bitch myself, one user writes. The attached profile picture appears to be a photograph of the user himself.

After three days of radio silence, Kir sees fit to screencap this comment - and the profile picture - for posterity, and waggles a virtual finger. Everyone needs to be patient. He’s still working on this one, he says. You try warming up a girl two centuries old - of course it’s going to take some time.

Despite his attempt to keep up the narrative, Kir’s text posts during this period are careless, riddled with grammatical errors. The channel, the review - these are no longer priorities.