The night was filled with stars, and blue. An infinitely dark, sapphire blue.

Hazel took a picture of it as they rode their taxi back to the hospital. She posted the photo without commentary to Neocam. Let the pod people figure it out.

Orchid streamed their return journey, and had no shortage of things to say. The driver got a little mouthy, and she included him in the show too. Jasmine was mostly quiet, but she kept asking for Fin’s opinion whenever she could. That was a good thing, to keep him present. Hazel thought the whole event had died down a little too easily. Fin hadn’t featured as prominently as she’d wanted either.

But as long as attention was circulating around her, she could send it where she wanted. She felt the electrical current swirling at her fingertips, hundreds of thousands (even millions?) of eyes that she could toss one way or another like a conductor directing with their baton. That was what shooting herself in the head had done. The comments weren’t exactly a goldmine (why would anyone be focusing on her chest and makeup when she was shooting herself in the head?) but they were plentiful. She dug for as many related posts as she could, read all the comments.

She didn’t watch the videos, though. The sudden blackout, the blast of ash and metal, and a plunge into peaceful silence; that was how she’d remember her second death. Her second successful suicide. When she’d woken up, it was like she had been rested all her life for that moment, and there was Fin, materialized onstage as if by magic. It was elegant, and quick. She wasn’t keen on seeing herself go slapping down onto the stage like a fish as seen by some blurry camera half a room away, or seeing if her leggings made for visible cameltoe (like the comments said).

When they were done fetishizing her body, there were the accusations of her fetishizing suicide. Snide and soapboxy, are we seriously not gonna talk about how problematic this is… as if making some great new revelation; as if she hadn’t gotten that kind of shit a hundred times over, even before Fin.

She had six hundred words typed up in prelude to a response when Orchid elbowed her hands away and practically shoved her own phone up Hazel’s nose. E34 was trending.

“How’s it feel to be a national sensation?“ Orchid asked Fin, all singsong. It sounded nice. Hazel tried not to smile.

But Fin didn’t have much to say. Sandwiched between Maya and Jasmine, he looked like he always did: tired.

“Shall we have a quiet moment?” he asked as they reached the bridge.

“You can sleep. But this is staying on. On camera is where you’re safest,” Hazel said to him.

Under a full, totally clear moon, they reached the hospital and rumbled in like the headliners at a festival. There were reporters, fans, and a wide variety of perverts waiting for them. Cadmus, the old doctor with the pink hair and scabby stubble, was livid. He shut the cameras down so they could all be checked for the damages of their latest misadventure.

Everyone (except Cadmus) was happy to see Cole again, too.

Cole apologized for falling asleep in a spare room when the escape had happened. It was hard to fault him - he’d hardly had any rest in a week.

“How much of the stuff is left?” Hazel whispered when he was disinfecting the wound on her head. The black lump that grew out of the opening on her forehead had already shrunk to the size of a grape. The exit wound, well, there seemed to be something bigger there, but it didn’t hurt to touch. She couldn’t resist prodding it.

“Two sheets. 24 pills.” Cole wiped up the excess cleaning solution. “You were the only one that actually needed it tonight.”

“I know, it was kind of a waste. The guide just said that we should take a dose to be safe.”

“He was the one who got you a gun.”

“Don’t look so freaked out. The Investigator took the thing away in the end.”

“And your guide?”

She shrugged. She hadn’t seen Cas-Free for the entire event, but someone was working the lights so she knew he had been around.

“How’s Fin holding up?” Cole asked.

“Oh, he’s great. We scared him a little, but he’s safe now and he knows it. There are interviews being lined up on the promotional account we made, everyone wants to talk to him. They think he’s really cute, like, endearing, you know? Once we give him some training, we can hand the account over to him and he can handle everything himself. Finally do what he wants.”

“Glad to hear it.” Cole taped a loose gauzy bandage over her whole head which only made the injury look worse than it was. She thanked him, not just for that. He looked as tired as Fin did.

Once they had been safely stored away in their old room, she and the crew proceeded to have a big argument over what food to order as a late dinner. Orchid wanted pizza. Jasmine waffled on about getting everyone’s opinion and maybe choosing a place with drinks, which indicated she didn’t want pizza. Maya said they should get something less oily. Fin said pizza sounded good (because nothing else specific had been suggested, and he always agreed with what was put before him).

They ordered a large sausage and pepper pizza.

Maya and Jasmine’s moods were improved greatly when Fin suggested, of his own volition, that they order a bottle of red wine to go with it.

After the order was placed, Fin asked Cole and one of the (much increased; considering there was none before) security to take him to see Aquila. The ex-spy, E34 activist and intended guide. He wanted to tell her what happened, maybe write a letter for when she woke, so she would know their decade-long fight had finally acquired reinforcements. Cole brought him a notepad and led him out.

Hazel wished she could say the room felt hollow without him, but in reality it was like air came rushing back in and all her senses sharpened.

“So weird seeing him just walk out like that, huh?” Jasmine laughed.

“Gotta get used to it. He’s supposed to be free,” Orchid said.

Hazel wasn’t ready to agree to that. “He should really stay close to us for another night or two.”

Fin didn’t return until an hour and a half after the food arrived.

“Good of you to finally turn up,” Hazel said, but immediately wished she’d kept her mouth shut.

Fin’s face looked like someone had sprayed him with oil, which was to say he was dripping with viscous black fluid and having a hard time wiping it off. This was something she’d seen when she woke from her gunshot to the head. His tears were black. Before then, while he’d undoubtedly been morose, they had never seen him actually cry.

“I think she’s going to make it,” Cole said.

Fin didn’t shake his head, but swayed his whole body like a scarecrow in the wind.

“Have something to eat and take it easy,” Cole said, nudging him into the room.

“Do you want any too, doc?” Orchid offered. “We’re about to open a bottle of red… I’m sure Fin would appreciate it.”

Cole looked at them all with affection. He must have been driven up the wall by them; they’d risked his job and maybe his life, but he still looked at them that way. In the bitter fringe of her thoughts, Hazel hated how put-together he was, how he’d remained. “Sorry, girls. I have to pretend to maintain a professional relationship now. The Hospital Authority have their eye on me.”

Orchid puffed hotly. “Aw, fuck em.”

“You should get some rest,” Maya said.

“And now that I have actual guards to do night watch, I think I’ll do just that. I’ll be in tomorrow. Don’t have too much fun without me.” And he strode away.

The red was popped. Fin was in marginally better spirits after taking in half the bottle. “I wish Cole and the investigators were able to be here.”

“They’re able, they’re just lazy,” Hazel said. “That’s how neurotypicals are.”

“I dunno,” Orchid said. “I’m pretty lazy too…”

A softball for Hazel. “I never said neurodivergent people couldn’t be lazy.”

“Please, Hazel. They were so dedicated to helping us,” Jasmine simpered. “I feel bad, I was pretty hard on the assistant. He was just so…”

“Conventional? I wanted to push his shiny teeth down his throat.” Hazel let her back hit the bedspread. The hospital room was so bright compared to her room at home; she wasn’t sure if she could ever go back. “Whatever. People like that don’t need losers like us to understand them.”

“Yes, that’s it,” Jasmine said.

Maya clapped her hands together, having ignored all that was said. “Why don’t we invite everyone to the Rock Pool, once we’re out of here? Then we can also have, erm, what’s his name, the bouncer, the guide, join us…”

“You’ll probably be let out way before me,” Orchid said. “I gotta finish pissing three whole doses out of my system.”

“Will Fin be allowed to leave?” Jasmine asked.

“If the damn hospital knows what’s good for them he will,” Hazel said, upturning the bottle for any spare drops. “Hey, how about a speech from the man himself?”

“Not right now, maybe…” Fin hesitated, wiping his face where the black stuff had dried and crusted. “Maybe next time. I’m a little tired tonight. I really am grateful but as I am now, I wouldn’t do you any justice…”

“No pressure,” Hazel said, but didn’t really like the sound of it. “There’s always tomorrow.” That she did believe.

“Yes,” Fin said. “Maybe tomorrow.”

—

Tomorrow snuck up silent and unseen, or thought it did.

Hazel couldn’t find her shoes in the unlit room so she chased him out on barefoot, soles slapping the tacky tiled floor. She didn’t care who woke up; let them wake up and throw the biggest racket known to man. Please.

“Fuck you, Cole.”

Cole turned, and so did his big ugly uniformed companions. Fin didn’t, though. He kept his head turned away, in shame.

“Where are you taking him? To the killing fields? To dismember and burn and dump in a pit with all the rest?”

Cole steadied himself on the staircase. “Hazel, we’ve had more choices than we ever should have expected up until now. It wasn’t going to last forever.” The bruise on his eye was almost gone, it was faded to piss-yellow. Hazel thought about giving him a second black eye.

“Why didn’t you warn us? You could have gotten him out–” She bit her tongue before saying again.

Fin turned to face her at last, his face washed and completely placid. He walked towards her, and the musclehead escorts didn’t stop him. Obviously, the army wouldn’t see him as a threat.

“Do you have a bomb or something hidden? Like sewn in your guts? Are you going to fight them? This is a joke,” She whispered, rambling. “You can’t go without saying something to the others. You know this means you’ll be gone forever, right? We’re going to forget all about you. Is that what you want?”

“No… please. You’ve already done so much for me, I’m sorry I have to ask you for more. But I need to… you need to let me go.”

“Are they threatening you? Look, we’re still zombied up, we can fight them. Run, it’s not like their guns will do anything…”

“You said it. I can live and die as I want, now.”

He smiled, that feeble little smile that made you want to reach out and wrench his mouth corners upward because he was doing such a bad job on his own. But it wasn’t as weak as before, and that mortified her. A show of sudden strength. I’m all better now. The final flicker of a candle before it went out forever.

Hazel saw Sapphire on the last day of her life.

She took out her phone (there was no way she was going anywhere without it) and began filming. “The army’s taking him away. Look! It’s four AM and they thought nobody would notice. They’re covering everything up, just like we always knew they were doing. Here’s the proof, in broad daylight!” She steadied her voice and her hands. “They think we can’t do anything about it. Well, we’ll see…”

Fin seemed to fall forward, like he were passing out, and a cruel hope surged in her for a second. This was it, it was a ploy! But he only draped himself over her gently, his arm falling on her back so light she barely realized it was a hug.

He smelled like nothing. He felt like nothing. And Hazel tried to bite back the thought, this big fat nothing is what I fought for? This is what I died for twice?

“Please watch over Aquila for me,” Fin whispered. And let her go. It felt, perhaps predictably, like nothing.

Only when he was gone did the air come rushing back; all the weight of feeling and the future, crashing down and about her like a tidal wave, ripping her right off her cold blue feet.